TONI ZOVA

One of the single most talented guys I have had the pleasure of meeting online, a friend, a designer, an artist…Jay is truly a multi-talented fleshling that deserves mentioning and showcasing. I’ll cut the intro short and get right onto interviewing him for all of you to better understand what makes this complex orgasm tick!

First off, Jay, I want you to start by introducing yourself to the lucky humanoids reading this epic interview. Who are you? What do you do? How long have you plagued the interweb? and, if possible, fill us in on what your favorite sex position is?!
My name is Jay. Some people might know me as 3ncryptabl3_lick, a name I’m still unsure why I selected. I’m a super-mega-happy-always-choking-never-toking-high-frequency-digital-soundproof-mouth and I do about as much.

I’ve been online, officially, since 1998. I say officially because I think it makes me sound smart and gives the impression of having gone through some type of prerequisite exam and passing with high marks to hit the ‘connect now’ button on the DSL login.

My favorite sexual position is sitting at the computer with one hand on the mouse with a 20mbs fiber-optic connection.

So let’s tap into the design side of your brain. Where did you learn what you know in terms of art/design etc?
That’s one of those questions I keep asking myself.

I tried Art college. I spent my first semester on acid and got bored so I quit. I’m not quite sure if I really ‘learned’ anything. I mean, I’ve always been artistic - even my mother said I never drew stick figures - I just started one day.

And how old where you then?
I don’t know. But the earliest memory of my art is reminiscent of Napoleon Dynamite’s Liger - you know, everything is in profile, even the feet. All the muscles are bulging oddly. Lot’s of puffy hair. There’s boobage. Something like that. I probably made a Liger at some point too.

Do you still draw “boobage”?
Naw. I’ve never really been very good with the female form. They’d probably be bulging oddly and in perma-profile.

And with puffy hair?
Ya. Who wants to see oddly bulging hairy boobs?

…
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So what do you work on these days, if not oddly bulging hairy boobs?
Well, a little of this, a little of that.

I try to make money with web design and logo’s but that’s few and far between and I’ve never really been all that great at it to begin with. I mean, sure, I can monetize the skill but have you seen some of the stuff being pumped out for $5 or $10? Man, I could never compete with that so I don’t.

Lately, that is to say, in the last 5 years or so I’ve been focusing on 3d and writing/video and photography.

Tell those of us that know you pretty well, something we don’t know about ‘Jay’ the dude in real life.
My penis was bigger 10 years ago, I swear it. Does it shrink?!

So, there’s no doubting your talent or abilities, fill us in on your 3d work, self taught?
Ya, 3d is where I’ve been at lately. Although I’d like to add that I do enjoy mixing both 3d and 2d. So 2d is not lost on me. It’s a huge part of what I’ve been working on.

I started my foray into 3d with some 10 years ago. Only in the last few years have I started coming into my own with modeling, UVmapping and animating.

3d has a huge learning curve no matter how and where you start. How deep that rabbit hole goes is a measure of how much you want to learn. Some people are happy with the likes of Poser or Bryce or Vue, while others look for more.

I was one of the ones looking for more. Once you cross that threshold and persevere, there’s always going to be that one little tid-bit of knowledge that opens up a whole area of exploration. That kept happening with me. Every time I kicked up 3dsMax, I learned something new and over the course of a few years, that adds up.

I’ve seen a couple pieces and I’ve been blown away, seriously, that Bonsai design you did for the Nvidia ION mod contest, man oh man, you got mentioned in the CPU mag for that didn’t you?
Ya, that was pretty exciting. I entered the Bonsai ION Mod and it made it into the top 5. So it’s going to be built by a pro modder. I think I spent, easily, a week modeling and specking out my idea - whether that’s exactly what they build or not, I don’t know. But it sure was fun doing it.

(check out the Bonsai Design in all it’s glory here at modders-inc)

Where does the motivation come for all that creative mojo man?
My motivation is wanting to make shit that I could stand to look at and keep my name attached to, 10 years later. While at the same time, learning what I need to learn to make the big dirty. The culmination of all my skills. The thing that defines me, as an artist, and carries me happily for the rest of my life.

Man, if I don’t do it, someone else will. You know, ideas are out there, in the universe. The instant one hits you, 14 other people got hit with it elsewhere in the world. So if it’s going to get done, it might as well be by you.

Wow, sounds big.
Make it big, make a point. That’s my motto.

How are your 3 wives doing?
Dude I haven’t been laid in like, three years. I think you actually have to meet women for that. Or, well, you know, for me - women.

Tell us a bit about some projects you’re working on, no doubt you’ve got some hot stuff up your sleeve right?
While I can’t get into any specific details about the project’s I’m involved in I can say that I’m really excited about them. They should be making their marks soon and I’ll be sure to hit you up when things go live.

So if people want to stalk you online, much like I do, where can they find you?
Twitter, Facebook, V7N - Googling 3ncryptabl3_lick should net any prospective stalker some decent places to start.

Any final words before I pull the plug and publish this interview which will probably ruin your career by doing so?
I am an ashtray-carp.

There you have it, this guy is honestly a genius, if you’ve not had the pleasure of meeting him, working with him, or sleeping with him, then you’ve missed out on the better half of your worthless fucking life. I mean that. What an epic interview, if I do say so myself.

Now go stalk him you lousy good for nothing sons of rabid corn dogs.

His Twitter
His FaceBook
His V7N Profile
His Nude Pix
His Live JTV Feed

It’s always nice to hear from friends, specially when you don’t expect to. Karen and Rick are two of my oldest friends and have been on a crazy sort of vacation spanning over a 4month period. From Paris to Venice to Malta to here to there to Fira Santorini etc. etc. etc.

Malta

They send me pix and we get on cam and talk a lot but I hadn’t heard from them for like 2weeks, figured they got lost in china or something (j/k Rick has a human gps thing built up his arse, guy never gets lost), today I got a nice surprise in the mail. Pix and a little tiny glass bottle with some sand in it from malta, a little mini Eiffel Tower key ring from France…Italian Pizza flavored gum? from Italy? Obviously smart arse Rick was responsible for that one, and a bunch of other little bits and bobs.

Venice

So yeah, I don’t usually share things like this but figured, this is sort of my personal blog, so what the hell.

Paris

Can’t wait to go with them next year (prob be going myself on a month long trip around Europe end of this year). So yeah, Karen, Rick, if you’re reading this, i’m jealous, and will be hacking away at the voodoo dolls tonight Keep it real guys and look after each other

Greece

I decided to write this up real quick to save me having to explain some of the following points to individuals each times the ‘points’ arise, so to speak. Once I’m done typing this up I’ll be able to link people to this article and save my self the constipated feeling I get when people, you know, are completely annoying.

So forgive me if I’m blunt, and straight forward here, but I use twitter for fun, pure and simple. To get to know some cool new people and stay in touch with friends, and also follow some news sources there. I’m not there (as many seem to be) for the popularity, hence why i rarely ReTweet stuff, or compliment people, or strike conversations with retards in hopes of them following me back. I’m sorry, people don’t amuse me enough for me to sink to that level, it’s the sad truth.

So you know, my whole idea behind this here post is to simply explain my own personal limits. I’m not trying to go on about how fucking cool I think I am and how you have to follow rules to follow me, or anything like that. I’m saying this now because some of the things down below, you may not want to hear, also because some of you bastards that don’t like me much love to comment on every fucking word I make, so yeah. It’s not you, it’s me, and I hope you believe that, because I don’t, no I mean I do. Right.

1. I tweet a lot, usually. Recently I haven’t because I’ve been busy but yeah I’m known to cough up anywhere around 50-150 tweets a day be it regular tweets, @ replies or whatever. You really don’t want to follow me on your cell phones, because at times your ass hole might pucker up because of how often I tweet, yeah it’ll be annoying. I have friends that don’t follow me and I don’t follow them because of how much we both tweets, so it’s cool. So yeah I tweet a lot, and i’ll keep at it. Period.

2. I probably wont follow you, I regularly unfollow hundreds of people that don’t converse with me, because way back I made the mistake of following back people who followed me. Twitter etiquette my ass. I’ll follow you if we tweet each other a lot, or you’re a friend or family member or amusing. It’s not personal, and I don’t expect you to follow me for the sake of it, I just can’t possibly follow thousands of people and expect to actually have fun on there. Also remember, i’m easily distracted, so I have to draw the circle very small so I can step out of it when I need to, else it gets crazy on there.

3. I honestly try to reply and tweet back all the @replies and so on, but sometimes I get so many that I miss a few, and sometimes there’s just nothing to reply. A bunch of you are well mad wankers, really, you say the weirdest shit, like, you tweet me asking me to give you money, or my laptop, or asking for sperm samples. I love you all but I don’t feel like replying with ‘no’ or ‘piss off’ all the time. Don’t be offended if I don’t @reply you every single time ok? I’m not offended when none of you bastards reply to some of my tweets, ok?

4. I’m an unpleasant individual most of the time, unless you make a really good impressions, which you’re not obligated to do, so keep this in mind; i’m an asshole. I’m not ‘that’ friendly, so if i’m a right cock towards you, please know that I probably don’t even know you, and don’t men anything personal by it. My assholism is like insane gag reflexes, i do it a lot off the bat for no apparent reason. It’s what makes me, me…I guess…?

5. Sorry there’s no #5 at this time, who knows, you all might persist on annoying me in some other way and ill have to come back here and fill this one up.

6. The last thing I want to say really makes me feel like a dick, which is a normal feeling but still. My name. Now I know, it’s not a common guy spelling of it, and you’re all used to Tony, but it’s not Tony. It’s TONI, with an i. T. O. N. I. Seriously, if you accidentally or unknowingly refer to me as Tony, i’ll either block you or call you a really mean thing, it depends on how moody I am at the time but you’ll at least get a “stfu you cock sucking unicorn riding bullshitting midget sucking dolphin shoving asshole pile of shit.” Toni is my name, so really, i don’t go around calling you Jordan if your name is Bill do I? No, i don’t. Ok, thanks.

7. Ok, lastly, I’m not interested in censoring myself for anyone, so if you feel like complaining about who often I tweet or what I tweet about etc, please, save yourself the trouble of wasting 140characters on me and unfollow. It’s as simple as that

That was really tough to write, well parts of it, the parts where I was being sincere and nice/polite, because I don’t want to come off as an arrogant son of a donkey for writing this, or be misunderstood. I will just hope that this is received in the way it was intended, and not the other way. The end, now piss on off to what you were doing before you landed here.

Grabs glass of wine, lights a cig, and publishes post without even proof reading.

Alright so here’s the 3rd and final Guess the tune post for a few days. The first one went pretty well and so did the second, I didn’t make this one any harder really, kept it easy but my guess is some of you wont get it unless you’re a guitar fan or something. We’ll see, it’s a popular one so it shouldn’t be too hard. Excuse me if I’ve massacred these last 3 songs, i haven’t picked up the guitar in a while so I’m still a bit rusty, here goes…

Alright well the prize for whoever guesses this one wont be that special, I’m looking at my desk as I type this to think of something to give, why I do this is beyond me. Ok, I have a cigarette…yes, you’ll win a cigarette, i’ll even sign it so that when you smoke it you’re not only inhaling nicotine but ink, twice as bad but who cares. If you smoke you’re eventually going to die anyway and if you dont smoke you can put it in a glass case and hang it somewhere or something haha. I don’t know if fedex or whatever will be cool with me sending a single cigarette, so i might have to smuggle it to you in something, a book maybe, you know, cut out some paper inside and cram the ciggy in there, ill be creative, I promise. You don’t wanna miss out

Oh and Guess the tune #2 winner was Jason, big up to him, I’ll be mailing both Jason, Uta and the third winners prizes tomorrow.e

This one is still easy but not as much as the one before, sorry if i get carried away or mess up with these i record them once and just up them really and, im rusty.

So, whoever guesses this one first gets my ipod shuffle, ill even sign its box for you.

Winner of the guess the tune #1 post was Uta (@justUta) - she won my unwashed used wine glass!

I’ll be doing a “guess the tune” post every few days and tweeting it once it’s up. If you are the first to guess what the tune is, you win….prize is something lame off my desk, or side table or something. I’ll keep it easy and play a min of the first few tunes and then start to make it harder later on, shorter, wont play it start to finish and just make it harder to get. I wont name the song/tune if no one guesses it and use the same one for the following “guess the tune” post to save me having to record more stuff Yes, i’m lazy like that.

This one is very random, very easy and if everyone doesnt get it right then seriously, you’ve got problems Here goes, good luck you sexmonkeys:

The prize if you guess what song/tune this is, umm…I have an empty wine glass on my desk, ill mail that over to the winner, and i promise not to wash it. there you go.

Don’t get me wrong, I respect Ross, and I think CrowdSPRING is doing its thing, that’s all great, but I could not help but notice something about their logo…it just hit me a while back and I remembered it today. I can’t help myself, I need to share this just to get your opinion…

Their logo obviously represents something completely different than what I see, but i’m not going to even bother figuring our what exactly. it’s one of those logo fails that are quite frankly, hilariously ironic.

So yeah, I’m sorry but that doesn’t look like a spring. It looks like a screw, and if your take their concept and apply it to what I see, then it’s pretty obvious, a designer being screwed. Yep. Pretty much represents their service if you ask me.

What else can I say? I love pointing out the obvious